How to Support a Loved One with Depression: A Practical Guide for Families and Partners

By Sabina Storberg
Nov 05, 2024
Supporting a Loved One

When a family member or partner experiences depression, it can deeply affect both their personal well-being and the health of your relationship. Depression often leads to behaviors that can be challenging for loved ones to interpret—such as social withdrawal, irritability, and fatigue—which can create misunderstandings and distance between partners or family members if not approached with patience and support. 

Research emphasizes that while depression is a personal struggle, it impacts relationships and household dynamics, with effects ranging from communication breakdowns to emotional strain on both sides.

Specifically, marriages where one spouse has depression are nine times more likely to end in divorce. However, depression doesn't necessarily lead to divorce, but it can contribute to marital problems that may increase the risk of divorce. We also know that negative social interactions, especially with partners, increase the risk of depression. Lower sex drives, as well as a poor self image increases the risk of both partners feeling undesirable in relationships causing further strain. Poor relationships or multiple marriages are also factors for mental health issues in partners.

We know that relational health and mental health are intrinsically related. Here are five research-backed tips to help you support a loved one with depression while maintaining a healthy connection:

TIP #1: Educate Yourself About Depression

Why This Helps: Depression can be misunderstood as laziness or a personal flaw, but it’s a complex medical condition. Educating yourself helps to dispel myths and builds empathy. Research shows that loved ones who understand depression contribute to better recovery outcomes, as they can provide targeted, compassionate support.

Exercises you can do:
  • Research Depression Basics: Spend 30 minutes a week learning about depression from trusted sources like the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) or Mayo Clinic. Look up symptoms, common behaviors, and treatment options.
  • Read Personal Accounts: Sometimes, reading stories from those who’ve experienced depression can increase empathy. Try exploring reputable sites like Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) for personal stories or join forums for family members. YouTube and Reddit are also great resources to find personal accounts. Make sure that your sources are reputable so that you can get the most out of your research.

The Statistics:
  • According to the World Health Organization, 280 million people worldwide experience depression, highlighting the prevalence and need for understanding within families.
  • According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) about 21 million U.S. adults—8.4% of the population—had at least one major depressive episode in 2020. 
  • An estimated 60% of people who have depression don’t seek professional support, in part due to the stigma and shame.

TIP #2: Open Up Non-Judgmental Communication

Why This Helps: People with depression often fear being a burden. Encouraging open dialogue shows that you care about their feelings, not just their behaviors. Research indicates that compassionate listening can reduce emotional distress and foster trust. 

Exercises you can do:
  • Active Listening Practice: Practice listening without interrupting or offering solutions. Summarize what they’ve said and ask if you understood correctly. For example, “It sounds like work has been overwhelming, and you’re feeling stuck. Did I get that right?”
  • Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking, “Are you okay?” try, “How has your week been?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?” This can encourage deeper sharing without feeling invasive.

Educational Material: A helpful resource on compassionate communication is The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), which offers free online guides on supportive listening techniques and how to respond in a non-judgmental way.

TIP #3: Offer Practical Help with Daily Tasks

Why This Helps: Depression drains energy, often making simple tasks feel overwhelming. Offering tangible assistance can help your loved one focus on healing without feeling burdened by daily demands.

Exercises you can do:
  • List Small, Specific Tasks: Write down a few things you could help with, like grocery shopping or making dinner. Share these with your loved one so they can pick what feels most helpful without feeling pressured.
  • Offer “With You” Support: Rather than doing things for them, offer to do tasks together. For example, “Would it help if we made a meal plan together?” This can encourage them without making them feel incapable.

The Statistics: 

  • Research shows that those with depression benefit from structured support, which decreases their sense of isolation. 
  • In one study, 68% of participants reported reduced depressive symptoms when they received household assistance and practical support from loved ones.

TIP #4: Encourage Small, Positive Steps

Why This Helps: Depression often leads to a cycle of inaction, which can worsen mood. Encouraging small, achievable goals can provide a sense of accomplishment and help break this cycle  .

Exercises:
  • Set Micro-Goals: Together, choose one tiny, achievable goal for the day. This could be a five-minute walk, taking a shower, or eating breakfast. Celebrate these small wins to build motivation.
  • Create a Gratitude Journal: Encourage them (and yourself) to jot down one positive thing each day. Research shows that even small acts of gratitude can improve mood over time.

Book Recommendations: 

TIP #5: Set Boundaries and Practice Self-Care

Why This Helps: Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Setting boundaries ensures you don’t burn out, which benefits both of you in the long run.

Exercises:
  • Schedule “Me” Time: Block out time each week for activities that replenish you, such as exercising, meeting friends, or enjoying a hobby.
  • Set Compassionate Limits: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, express this kindly. For instance, “I want to be here for you, but I also need a little time to recharge. I’ll check in after dinner.”

The Statistics (Caregiver, Partner and Family Mental Health is Important too!): 

  • Studies have shown that caregivers who engage in regular self-care report significantly lower levels of stress, with 70% experiencing improved emotional resilience.

A Lasting Solution: Leveraging Inetta AI

Supporting someone with depression isn’t a one-time effort. It requires patience, empathy, and continual learning. Inetta AI offers 24/7 coaching and mediation to strengthen your relationship and support communication with your partner or family members. By providing ongoing relationship support rather than temporary fixes, Inetta AI helps all parties grow through this experience with a stronger bond and a renewed sense of connection.

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